“Who do you know who does not place a boundary around his love? We are afraid others will use us and that our desire for love makes us foolish. In deference to this fear, we try to be smart and use others in the name of love for our own ends. We become what we fear and keep things hidden from our mates, especially the secrets that would show our real thoughts and behaviors. Then, we imagine what it would be like to have real love. Ironically, we dream about what reality would be like if things were different! Inexplicably, we take this dreaming for granted.”

The flute of the Infinite is played without ceasing, and it sound is love:
when love renounces all limits, it reaches truth.
How widely the fragrance spreads! It has no end, nothing stands in its way.
The form of this melody is bright like a million suns: incomparably sounds the vina, the vina of the notes of truth.

*Kabir

** The love inquiry

Ponder two kinds of values in sex relations, one set is self defensive the other seeks what’s best in life. This later cultivates greater understanding and sensitivity to discover, share and encourage good things.

The pain caused from being manipulated (including using affection) often causes people to armor themselves and, by degree, become predatory out of self defense.

The interdependence required to seek what is best in life goes deeper than security and satisfaction of desire. The reason why is because self defensive motives rest on fear and create a sense of terrible isolation due to strategic manipulating and treating any lover as an opponent. This is competitive and often deceitful. The inner isolation is destructive, even in the best of circumstances which include various satisfactions but it’s still lonely and painful. This struggle among lovers creates a habit of trying to ‘get the better of the bargain’ like what we see in predatory business. This is a weakness not a strength.

The art of mutual adaptation is best in sex relations and upon this rests a great deal of human happiness. Truthfulness, freedom, trust, justice, and empathy are some of the qualities needed for this art. These are strengths. The strengths becomes more clear when we consider a life without these qualities is desolate.

By Todd Vickers

* Excerpt: The Relevance of Kabir

** The love Inquiry terms and ideas 

suggested by Robert Briffault, Sin and Sex and expanded upon here by 
Todd Vickers

Sin and Sex, Allen & Unwin; 1St Edition edition (January 1, 1931)